I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
