so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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