So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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