I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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