am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
