For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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