i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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