I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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