I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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