my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
