is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
