I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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