Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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