I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
