are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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