never play flip cup with pint glasses
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
