I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
