so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
