idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
