have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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