Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
