We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
