you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
