the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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