Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
