Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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