I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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