The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
