sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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