There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
