6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
