I can tuck mytits in my pants
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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