I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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