In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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