Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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