she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
