ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Soap is not a condiment
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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