Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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