i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
