Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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