Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
