My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
