just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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