If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
