I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
