not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I would fuck him just for his dog
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
