Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
