I showed him my bush... on skype.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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