Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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