Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
