if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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