he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize