she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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