i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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