Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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