Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
