then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
