I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
