I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
