The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
