I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
