something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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