Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
