i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
