did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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