i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
3 2 1 whiskey
Everyone says I win the strip club
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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