He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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