Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
