? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
