just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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