i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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