it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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