Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
