I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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