I heard we made out
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
