We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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