is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
