this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
