I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
