yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
