if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
