ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
we should paint friendship bongs
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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